2. Dealing with feelings from previous relationships
Sometimes, past relationships can leave us with worries about what future relationships might be like. This is especially common if things ended badly, but can also apply even if things ended a bit amicably. Relationships can leave deep wounds – sometimes deeper than we really realise.
One thing that a lot of people can get hung up on is whose ‘fault’ the end of the previous relationship was. You may feel like you did everything to save the relationship while your partner did nothing. You may even feel like they totally sabotaged things. This can leave you bitter, and wary of imputing the same level of trust in someone new.
3. Know that it is not always easy
It’s not always easy, but when it comes to the end of a relationship, it can be useful to accept that responsibility is usually at least partly shared. While it wouldn’t be realistic to say that every split is 50 50, it’s often the case that both members of the couple contributed in some means towards the conditions through which the relationship ended.
Being able to acknowledge and accept our part in both the making and the breaking of the relationship can help us to understand what we’re good at in relationships – and what we perhaps find difficult.
Of course it doesn’t have to be a clear case of ‘fault’ for a relationship to end. Sometimes, changes in circumstances – or changes in people – can be enough for something that worked previously to stop working a few years down the line.
This can be equally hard to deal with, especially if you both feel you did everything you could to save the relationship. It can leave you fearful that exactly the same thing could happen again. The truth, of course, is that it could: but that this isn’t necessarily a reason to never embark on something new.
If you’re struggling to come to terms with your feelings, one thing you may find really useful is simply talking to someone. Friends and family – people you can trust and who you know will listen to you – can be a great help.
Being able to explain feelings and get different perspectives can be a really useful way of beginning to understand why you have these feelings. And sometimes understanding them – even if they stay painful to think about – can be the start of letting them go.